Ed Narrative: Building A Writer by Burning Her Book

     Writing is different for everyone. For some, it’s an expression of self, a lens through which to show others the world as you see it. For others, it is a droll, painful task, best to be avoided at all costs. But no matter the fashion through which you see writing, the process through which your writing develops can be unpredictable, and more often than not, harsh. Writing for me began at age eight, quietly sitting in the oversized chair in my family’s living room. Slowly I henpecked my way through a sentence, then a paragraph, then a chapter. From that moment on, writing was in my blood. It became the deepest particle of my self-expression and I wrote constantly. My skill slowly and tenderly improved, fleshing out as my mind—and the word I saw—grew. It was not, however, till five years later that my writing was truly tested, and through that testing, jumpstarted into genuine maturity. This process took place in a world some writers never know or touch—the world of online writing. Surprisingly—or perhaps not—the feature of this environment that truly affected me was not the friendship, support and compliments I received there, but the brutality of the criticism that was the very backbone of the domain. The things I learned there are some of the most significant of my writing career.

            I was introduced to the website by a friend. She talked often and animatedly about not only the website and the content she posted there, but also about the Veritas, an exclusive group of writers she looked up to, and had been inducted into, as the website lingo went, a newbie.

I eventually joined, and with her help, I was accepted into the world of the Veritas. It was through this exclusive group, and the forum they hosted, that my writing first began its slow, painful climb to higher reaches. The online writing world is viscous, cruel and exceptionally creative in the expression of both characteristics. The Veritas were no exception; they had charged themselves with the care and up-keeping of the website, holy battalion in the face of literary pollution and dedicated slayers of clichés and Mary Sue's. Their weapon of choice was a process ‘fondly’ known as flaming. In principle, flaming is fairly simple as it has only one goal: destruction. A critique so cutting, graphic and cruel the author of the piece in question would be utterly crushed, and hopefully, sufficiently encouraged to never, ever write again. In composition, a flame has a wide range of possibilities. Some are short and concise, others far reaching, extensive and graphic. Among the Veritas community, your general standing on the forum and the respect you garnered by fellow members was based on two things; writing skill and your ability to flame. Those with a creative and original talent for flaming quickly scaled the ladders of standing and respect in the community, held in high esteem and often complimented and discussed by fellow members. Posting lists of targeted 'flammable' stories on the forum and encouraging fellows to add their own flame to the growing inferno was by no means uncommon.
            As a young writer myself, my introduction to this kind of highly critical and volatile environment was both intriguing and terrifying.  I became obsessed with the condition of my own spelling and grammar, spell-checking everything I posted twice and rereading everything for grammatical errors, terrified that the people that I looked up to would turn their considerable violence on me if I showed even a hint of weakness. This obsessive condition, while perhaps not the best way to learn, quickly and efficiently shaped me up. I forced myself to memorize and execute the grammar skills I was obsessively checking for. First, the proper use of your, you’re, they’re, their, then the proper use (and length) of an ellipse, and so the list went on… Eventually, the proper use of all of these became second nature. Next was spelling. As someone who reads as an addiction rather than simply recreationally, I have a large vocabulary. Unfortunately, spelling has never come naturally to me. I had to sound out words and then use those phonic versions to memorize spelling, often coming up with cheesy rhymes that helped me remember how the word was spelled rather than how it sounded. Eventually, I was polished and shiny, inculpable to even the most vicious and nit-picking of the Veritas. But in that online world, I was in no measure safe. Not by a long shot…

            The first time I got flamed is one I will never forget. It not only shaped my writing, but shaped my attitude for the future. The obsessive skills I had learned from my time on the forum were just as important in the creative writing that I posted. My grammar and spelling were spotless. I even had close friends read over my work before I even considered posting. So, when I say that the things I had up on the website were—to me at the least—irreproachable, perhaps you understand my meaning. The specific story in question was one of particular pride for me. It was no secret that I was at least three years junior to many of my fellow Veritas, and because of this I feared my ideas would be considered immature, my vocabulary lacking in comparison to older readers. To combat this, I created stories original, daring, and graphic. Where many of my fellow writers wrote humor or romance, I created chilling tales of unfortunate events, never fearing to stint on blood and gore, but balancing my creation with intriguing characters and moments of black comedy I’m surprised I possessed at the tender age of 13. This piece was no exception. It was violent, scary, and distinctly tragic. I was proud and glowing from the flow of praise that came in from my Verita friends. I checked the comments daily looking for more praise, more boosts to my burgeoning writer’s ego.  So when my eyes landed on the flame, sitting dark and hot in the midst of the rosy praise that occupied the majority of my page, it was like a kick in the gut.

I remember feeling sick and embarrassed, my former pride seeming a farce in the face of some stranger’s words. It hurt. Up to that point, the only people who had ever read my writing were my family and my friends. And yes, I counted the Veritas as my friends. Not at first, no, but it became that way. So while at the time I still dreaded their disdain, looking back I understand I wouldn’t have gotten any. They’d call me on it if I made a mistake—and occasionally they had to—but they’d do it kindly. Because of this I’d been rather, well, babied. The cruel reality of being a writer is that no matter how good you get, someone will hate what you write. I was as of yet unaware of such a reality. My writers skin was fragile and tender, my ego bloated and my mind devoid of any possibility that anyone would even think to insult me.  My writing was good. I knew that to the depths of my soul, hadn’t even an inkling of doubt. Because of this, I was unable to react properly or maturely to the insult. I couldn’t take it in stride. I couldn’t separate an insult to my writing from an insult to myself.  It felt so personal. My first instinct was to delete the entire story. Even the many compliments of the people I actually respected seemed inconsequential in comparison. That quick, I was convinced I’d created a horrific literary disaster.
             So how did this affect me in the long run?  At the time, I could hardly see past my humiliation, but looking back I realize that the flame was one of the most important things that ever happened to me as a writer. See, as the pain and embarrassment faded, I came to realize that my writing as a whole didn’t suck, and perhaps more importantly, that who I was and what my writing was, however connected the two felt to me, would appear as different entities to others. Perhaps most importantly, the event gave me a backbone. Today I have the thick skin any good writer knows to build. I can protect myself and my all-important writer’s confidence. I can take advice without getting defensive or hurt. I can understand that my writing won’t reach everyone. I know that some people will despise the words that still feel so personal and integral to me. All of these thing are because once upon a time, in a dark corner of the internet, the girl I was had her confidence crushed. Though I know I’ll never meet them, I secretly thank that witty, mean stranger for their harsh words, because without them, I wouldn’t be the writer I am today.

           All in all, my time on the website and the Veritas forum was one of the most difficult, fun, and constructive experiences I’ve ever had in my writing career. I was able to connect with other writers, become part of an exclusive society, and improve one of the most basic things every writer needs—good grammar. I learned how to avoid clichés and the hated Mary Sue. I learned to take an insult. I learned that an insult doesn’t make a compliment untrue, but that it can still contain constructive information. I got a thicker skin, and everyday, I’m thankful for that. I would never take back my time on the forum, nor the harsh words, or the stress or the paranoia. In the long run, it was all for the better.

Lingo: 

The Veritas are a group of writers that host a forum, sanction contests, and moderate many affiliate sites. The website description of the group read: We are the Veritas. By definition, the Veritas are not a cult, we are a political party dedicated to trying to make the fandom a better place. Or just chatting. Whatever strikes us. 

Flaming is the act of decimating the work of another author. Always brutal and cruel, often creative, and with a tendency to make rather improbable assumptions about the authors brain and other anatomical parts…Want to see some example? Check out the following links to review pages:

•  A compilation of famous flames from the most hated story in Fanfic history
•  A random review page for an unfortunate writer 
• and another random review page...
• and one more

Mary Sue is a character lacking in any discernible flaws, to the point that they become antagonist to the reader themselves. Usually unnaturally or unusually pretty, very good at everything and great at besting even their betters. For a better description, check out http://knowyourmeme.com/memes/mary-sue, and to test your character for Sueishness, go to http://www.springhole.net/writing/marysue.htm